Why does it seem so hard to manifest a loving relationship?
The kind of relationship you have (or have not) manifested is based on how you feel about love and relationships.
What do you at the core believe relationships should look like?
I will be honest. I have not had one of the best outlooks on love & relationships. I had all these belief systems around Love which really weren’t inspiring me to have one subconsciously. I might have said I wanted a relationship on the surface but I have been holding on to these beliefs –
Love is separation.
Love is letting go
Love is suffering.
And this is what I have manifested in all these years in my “love life”.
The relationships I saw around me growing up were not healthy or inspiring.
A lot of people believe that you can only have relationship blocks if you have grown up watching your parents fight or have experienced separated parents. I had none of that. My parents in fact shared a quite normal, romantic, healthy relationship according to the societal norms. But there were still a lot of other things that contribute to our belief systems as we grow up.
I grew up watching a lot of mainstream movies and TV serials where relationships were filled with drama, third party situations, and separation. In my own life, whenever I saw a girlfriend in a relationship, mostly I saw her suffering.
Sometimes someone was cheated, sometimes someone was stalked. Sometimes I saw how a possessive boyfriend got her to say no to all invitations with friends. Sometimes I saw her making choices that would please her boyfriend, not her necessarily.
Then far off, I saw girls in my country getting married for all the wrong reasons: pressure from society, parental pressure, financial security, forced marriage etc.
I heard stories about girls giving up their careers for marriage. I read stories of how relationships take away freedom. Somewhere in my deep subconscious, I remembered how 30 years back my mom gave up her studies to give me birth or marry my father (or so I believed). My father brought me up really ambitious and being a daddy’s girl, I wanted to be successful, even if that meant giving up love and relationships (of course, this was a deep subconscious belief because on the surface I very much said that I want love, or I want a relationship).
While my conscious brain understands that one doesn’t need to give up one for another, my subconscious brain did not.
In fact, working as a female publishing writer in my early twenties, I actually worked a lot on all these stories around women breaking free from constricting marriages and relationships – RECLAIMING THEIR FREEDOM! I wrote articles around women walking out of marriages or actresses having a 360 degree “revenge body” makeover after a break-up. While I deeply honor the courage that anyone shows in breaking free, in full honesty, I was negatively influenced, because, hey, this was not even my story!
I absorbed all these fragmented, false representations of love and relationships. This became my definition of what a relationship looks like. For all I knew, I DID NOT want this.
And so I kept on pushing away love or relationship, sometimes literally, sometimes energetically.
I drenched myself in this idea that loving yourself is breaking free from relationships and love. I was drawing in characters who celebrated their singlehood and success proudly, unabashedly. While in some way I am grateful to see my singlehood as something to not be ashamed of, I cannot deny that it further deeply perpetuated this idea that “being in a relationship” is not healthy, wise, or a symbol of an ambitious woman!
We form negative associations in our head, which might not serve us fully. These associations around Love didn’t serve me or my deepest desire to be in a relationship or a partnership. Yes, there is nothing wrong with being single or being in a relationship. But when you say you want something and you seem to be not receiving it in your reality it is something worth looking at.
What is blocking your desire (to be in a relationship, for example)?
Energetically, these belief systems and stagnant energy block our desires from manifesting in form. The blocks I listed above were not really mine and made no sense but in a way, they did.
My spiritual and twin flame awakening has shown me all the places where I have been blocking love in my life. I was unaware of all these blocks I listed above, a few years back. Heck, I didn’t even know I could possibly be the one pushing away love. I genuinely believed that some people are lucky enough to find love or a relationship at some point in their lives, while others just have to wait or settle!
But noway, this is far from the truth.
No one is luckier or more special than the others.
We all have simply been brought up with different beliefs and ideas around everything, including love. These very ideas form the basis of what we create and attract in our lives.
In the years of my spiritual journey, I am realizing that my ideas around love and relationships were influenced by
- my inner child hurts (your mind is super spongy from 0-7 years)
- past life pain and memory of separating from my twin flame (just because you have taken a new birth doesn’t mean you don’t still carry around your past life beliefs and pain in the form of energy)
- Societal conditioning around “conditional love” (relationships forming around what someone can give us materialistically but not unconditional pure love)
- Not feeling worthy of love
- The culture around hook-ups/dating apps/no strings attached relationships
- How pop culture glorifies successful single woman
- How Bollywood culture romanticized “true love is letting go”.
- Fear around being seen for who I really am
- I have to “give up” something for Love
- I have to work myself to receive love
And these are just a few to be named. The moment you choose a loving relationship, your Universe will start showing you everything that has been blocking you from love. It is in these moments that you get to humble down and learn your lessons instead of blaming, shaming, or suppressing. It is in these times when you get to understand yourself a layer deeply. It is in these moments that you get to reveal deep-rooted causes and beliefs holding you back. The shadows only need to be lighted up. The moment there is light, there is no more shadow. Instead of chasing this relationship, see how can you start enjoying the process of uncovering the path to this beautiful, loving relationship that you so deeply desire.
I would highly suggest you ask yourself –
- What do you feel when someone says “Love”, “Partnerships” “Relationships” or “Marriage”
- What kind of relationships do you see around you? Do they inspire you?
- What are the negative belief systems you have been believing and manifesting about Love/Relationships?
- Do they serve you? If not, can you let them go?
- What is your perfect idea of a loving relationship?
Seriously, it gets to be that simple. You get to choose. You get to shift your beliefs and your energy. Of course, the process will teach you immense self-love, patience, and unconditional trust in life. Taking responsibility does not mean blaming yourself or your circumstances. Your soul chose this path. You chose to take birth in these fragmented places so that you could heal and restore them to love again. I deeply honor my experience and my relationships to be my teachers. Honor yours too for everything that they show you (mirror you).
I am writing this blog post hoping this serves you to become aware and conscious of the energetic blockages you are carrying within you. Let me know in the comments below if it inspires you or shifts something in you?
If you are willing to experience a heart-opening session with me, I invite you to check out the workshop below where we work on our mindset, our energy, and our heart chakra to allow more love to flow in and out freely.